Looking after Tubby

My fathers side of the family put great value in looking after the deceased. He will always visit my Grandfathers grave every Christmas and Easter, usually taking my grandmother along and sometimes I would tag along.

It should come as no suprrise that some of the tradition has worn off on me. 12 years ago, my best friend died suddenly. It had had a huge affect on my life - If I were to get married, Tubby would have been the obvious choice of best man, now I honestly wouldn't know who to pick. As much as possible, I've tried to make a tradition of visiting his grave once a year around this time of year - i missed a couple of years around the 5 year mark but have been pretty regular the last 5 or so years and have myself into a routine.

The hardest part is getting there. He is a good hour and a half away from where I live. He is close to his parents bit it isn effort for me to get there. Fortunately, he is not too far away from work, so I'll usually try to get a 1/2 hour early mark, duck into a florist, buy a bunch of white roses, get to the cemetery, clean any dirt/webs around his headstone, say a prayer and head off home.

At first I felt like I was doing it for him. Regardless of where you are in the religious debate, no one can prove without shadow of a doubt what happens when you die. If there is a shimmer of hope that your soul lives on, then I want Tubby to know that I haven't forgotten about him and will never forget him. After I mussed a few years, I felt really guilty and realised that I do it as much for him as I do for me - I look forward to the ritual and feel satisfied once it is completed.

I wonder what his parents must think. I suspect that they know somebody visits as they must see my flowers. They replace the artificial flowers when they become aged so must still visit at least semi regularly, I don't think they know who visits. The way he died was quite tragic and sudden and I still think they blame some of my friends for his death, regardless, for better or worse I had no involvement.

In any case, I miss you tubby.