Lacking focus.

I really need to get back onto the wagon. I have been using my bruised foot as an excuse to get out of walking. I have been trying the fasting diet and starting strong in the mornings and afternoon but see cracks in my defenses as soon as I am home to my open kitchen.

I have been up and down many times before. I just have to pay with disappointment and force myself into a cycle I am happy with. My walking needs to start up again. My diet needs to improve.

I know I can get there, I just need to find my focus. .

Fast

So I made a post about a week ago about how I was lacking motivation to lose weight. In the week since I posted that, I've heard alot about a fasting diet being mentioned. The basic premise is that you eat what you want for 5 days a week and only eat a quarter of a standard dietary intake 2 days a week.

The merits of the science behind it sound plausible. The hardest thing about losing weight is that unlike smoking, drinking or most other habits, you cannot simply give up food. You have to continue it in moderation. I don't know if this diet is just another fad or a silver bullet, but its something i'd like to give a go.

I had an aborted attempt at a fast day last Saturday, but decided to give it another try today. I had a small peach with my soy cappuccino for breakfast. By the time I finished my lunchtime walk I was starving. I wanted to buy a salad but was tempted into eating a seafood quiche with it. My big crack was getting a Cornetto when I filled up with petrol on the way home - It was hot and I was stuck in traffic.. I had a few rice biscuits when I finally made it home and had a small fruit salad for dinner.

Whilst I was not as disciplined as I was hoping for, I made a decent start I must admit that I am still hungry now and quite moody and tired as a result. I'm hoping I can keep this up. I am still not brave enough to get on the scale but my belt wil be the first indications as to whether or not this works. I may not be in the right frame of mind right now, but at least this is better than doing nothing feeling sorry for myself.

The wrong direction.

My weight is becomming a problem. I am at a stage where my belt has expanded, my clothes are tighter and I have a general feeling of unhealthiness that has come over me. I am too afraid to stand on the scale because I know it's going to be a big number.

I am definitely eating the wrong foods. I'm spending too much time eating supermarket crap. I am still walking regularly but with less od the oomph that comes so naturally when I am in the zone and I will also allow excuses to creep in and not walk. I didn't walk yesterday because it was too humid. I walked today but had to really push myself out of the house.

This is not he heaviest I've ever been, not by a long shot. Do not let that detract from the fact that I am very disappointed int the way I look and feel right now. I've looked for motivation and even posted here but having issues pulling that trigger and going into full focus.

I'm by no means giving up - I cannot let myself get any bigger.

Finding Motivation.

One of my New Years resolutions was to lose weight, specifically, I want to be blow 110kgs by end of year. One month into the new year and I'm not doing well. I'm still walking regularly but am missing the odd day heere and there. My diet could be better and when I do walk, I don't push as hard as I have done in the past. In short I am not in "The Zone".

There are a couple of  things that may be holding me back. Firstly, when I was enormous, I used to think that losing weight was the answer to all my problems. I could lose the weight, then finding friends would be easy, I'd find Miss Right, she wouldn't be turned off by my size and I would live happily ever after. In practice, losing weight is a help but not the answer to everything - I still have confidence issues to deal with. Secondly - I am addicted to sweets and junk food. My dad blames this on my mum drinking sweetened powdered milk when she was pregnant and when I was a baby but in reality, both my parents and three out of four grandparents are or were overweight and my issues could well be genetic.

The best motivation I have right now is news that my friend is getting married in November. My suil looks much better when I am a few kilos lighter. My challenge now is to get back into the zone. i'm still at a stage whereby I look at myself disappointed and swear that I'll start my diet tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. Hopefully getting this off my chest is the catalyst for getting to tomorrow.

I took her to a Supermarket

Why must crappy fatty foods be so cheap and easy to get at supermarkets?

I'm doing my best to lose weight, but these monstrocities keep opening up in convenient locations and have extended opening hours.  The pre-packaged foods they sell are full of sugar and fat filled calorie crap.

I'd like to avoid them but am always tempted to visit for a single item, only to walk out with 3 or 4.

I read somewhere that Denmark tried to introduce a 'fat tax' but it failed in practice and was withdrawn. I'd be interested to know why it didn't work.

Dieting would be so much easier if these companies took some social responsibility and put quality ahead of turnover.

Weight

I am a heavy guy. literally. 5-6 years ago I was close to 172kgs. I went on a 3 year diet and made it as low as 108kgs. Since then, my weight has fluctuated, but for the most part, I have managed to keep it in the 110-120kg range. I try to do heaps of walking and have some control over my diet to stay in this range.

I was on the heavy side of that range this time last year, dropped down to 112kgs when I went to Hong Kong in April, bounced back to 119kgs and lost a couple of kgs in the humidity of Singapore. I've been pretty stable the last couple of weeks.

I have a rare gift of getting into "The Zone". Its difficult to turn it on, but when it is on, I am very determined and can achieve anything I put my mind to. If I can turn it on again, I'll reach my goals. I am writing this blog today in te hope that I will find the On switch.