Numbers. Some keep haunting me.

People that know me are familiar with my better than average ability of remembering numbers. I am also good at remembering birthdays. I can remember birthdays for people i used to work with and people I went to school with - some I haven't seen in years and may never see again.

Today is someones birthday that I will probably never see again. It is the birthday of an ex-girlfriend. It is particularly easy to remember as it was the day before Valentines day. We broke up over 10 years ago, but she was special as it was my longest relationship, and the only relationship that I used the 'L word. I am well and truly over it now, but it was still a significant and important part of my life.

I met her in my uni days at the uni bar. She was quite shy and pleased that I gave her attention at first. If she gained anything from me, it was certainly confidence. Maybe it was a sign of my youth or experience, but for a long time, I took her for granted and didn't take the relationship seriously.

That changed very suddenly when I lost my best friend. All of a sudden, I realised how short life was. I started taking her seriously and felt like I really was in a relationship.  We had a very good 6 months and she helped me through my loss, then, she tragically lost her best friend.

I wanted to help as much as I could and felt like I was in the best position to do so. The problem was, her best friend was a Male and had a crush on her. She felt like I was somehow happy that he died which I promise was not the case and the relationship started to crumble. A few months later she started cheating on me and whilst alarms were ringing like sirens, there was nothing that could be done to save the relationship. She was no longer interested in me and as I went through the stages of greif finally found acceptance and finally accepted that I didn't want a cheater anyway and even if I was able to sustain the relationship, it was close to its use by date.

I have a habit whereby relationships do not end well. I am not friends with any of my ex girlfriends and this one is no different.This one took the longest to get over, but she was not right for me. Whilst it is her birthday, she will not be getting wishes from me. I do think of her on rare occasions but wish i could forget her birthday.