Divorces and separations are relatively uncommon in my family. One of the first to divorce was by uncle (dads youngest brother). He lost custody of his only daughter when she was about 8 years old (early 90's) and she and her mother packed up and went north to the Gold Coast.
Talking to my uncle about his daughter has always been a touchy subject. For many years she was in wilderness and we didn't even know where she was. Then, about 5 or 6 years ago when she was in her early 20's we heard news that she was going to be engaged. My uncle, through a common friend, sent money up for the engagement and there was a few letters and a phone call that followed but then my cousin went back into her wilderness.
A few years later, Middle sis went on a holiday to the Gold Coast and caught up with our cousin. Middle sis and this cousin were always very close as a kid. Cousin was now married and had their first daughter. My uncle, who was also close with middle sis (and her Godfather) was hanging with anticipation on news upon her return, however, for reasons best known to her, decided to avoid mu uncle. When they finally crossed paths there was a big argument when my uncle tried to get his daughters phone number off middle sis - middle sis was right to withhold the number at the time, however, the way the situation was handled was poor on all sides.
A few years later and it was 2011. She had a second child and it was my turn to visit the Gold Coast on holiday. My cousin was also on holiday that week, however, I managed to catch up with her on my last day there as it was also the day she arrived back. I didn't get to meet her husband or kids but we had a reallly long phone call. I saw some of her kids photos on her phone and we discussed her current predicament. She was now happy and ready for me to pass on her number onto her dad. Only problem is, her dad had reached the end of his tether and didn't want to talk to her unless he rang first, insisting that he has done all he could and it was on her to make amends.
My uncle is now a victim of his own stubbornness. He did not talk to middle sis for 3 years after the episode above and whilst I can tell he still deeply loves his daughter, he is restricting himself by hiding behind his disappointment. Often I would bring her up in conversation in vain attempts to change his mind, but he would pretend to ignore the topic while my nonna would ask questions. This Christmas, he found a loophole to his stubbornness - he gave me a large amount of money and asked me to make sure his grandchildren received it.
I rang my cousin to explain, but she politely refused the money, arguing that she needed some kind of relationship before she started accepting gifts on their behalf. The tragic thing is that she has heard lots of bad stories about him without knowing or remembering who he is. I broke the news to my uncle today that his money was not accepted and he was disappointed. I'm left hoping that my cousin decides to ring her dad again, and if it happens, hoping that my uncle will not fly off the handle, forget the past and start afresh.
If I can do just one really great thing in my lifetime, I hope it is reuniting these two. I think middle sis, my cousin and my uncle could have all done things differently to avoid the mess we are in right now, but we have to work in the constrains of the hands that have been dealt. Whilst this situation has been fueled by stubbornness, my stubbornness is to see this through until they are reunited and have regular communications.